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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26079784">In this Day and Age: A Guide for Your Demon Sword in the Modern Era</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdingbreaths/pseuds/holdingbreaths'>holdingbreaths</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Legend of Zelda &amp; Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BUT NOT AU!, Fashion &amp; Couture, Ghirahim having nervous breakdowns all over the fic, Homosexual Local Disaster Demon Lord Ghirahim, Humor, Hyrule is Japan, M/M, Modern Era, Reincarnation, Texting, there's a lot of netflix but trust me on this one no one is chill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:53:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,676</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26079784</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdingbreaths/pseuds/holdingbreaths</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Legend awakes in the 21st century. Hyrule's doom is something of an inconvenience for Demon Lord Ghirahim, who would rather enjoy high fashion and Netflix, thank you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ghirahim/Link (Legend of Zelda)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In this Day and Age: A Guide for Your Demon Sword in the Modern Era</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! Some people might know I've been writing These are not love letters part 2, and it will take me maybe 2 or 3 more pages to finish it. I also have to finish To be alive beneath cherry blossoms. Instead, I wrote this one. I have no idea what this one is. I love my weird son.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ghirahim was on the verge of a nervous breakdown in the middle of the Gucci store when the Legend awakes inside of him.</p><p>The Legend awakes inside of <i>everybody</i>.</p><p>Fuck, he thinks.</p><p>“Fuck.” he says aloud.</p><p>He drops the flowery Gucci slides. They weren’t his size anyway.</p><p>*</p><p>Ghirahim valiantly tries to go back to his scheduled mental crises. He almost misses the anxiety caused by the empty consumption habits of a life wasted in shallow luxury and Instagram posts. He <i>yearns</i> for that feeling of late capitalism angst.</p><p>Alas. He’ll never be that post-modern again.</p><p>*</p><p>He considers booking a fly immediately, back to Japan, where they all are sure to be – his Master, but also Hylia, also Link, maybe even the Skinny Royal Guard. He hasn’t set foot in his own motherland in five years, his successful business taking him first to Paris and later to Milan.</p><p>He fishes for his phone, and the app is already running before he remembers he can just fucking teleport there. Or magic himself there. Or whatever the fuck the correct term was, he can just be in Japan the next second.</p><p>He closes the phone, signs for a cab, realizes he’s being unusually stupid, gets inside anyway.</p><p>Unless. <i>Unless</i>. He could just not go. He could just, what would be a good turn of phrase? Sit this one out. It wouldn’t be the first time, by far. Ghirahim has long learned the house almost always wins, and he’s not fond of losing. Sometimes he never shows his face to the Hero, just acts like a Dungeon Master, planning all sorts of temples and hardships for the fucker to eventually overcome anyway. Sometimes he fights. Sometimes he’s… unavailable. This is an old game, and Ghirahim has played it too many times. He could stay in nice, warm Milan. There’s a Fashion Week coming.</p><p>It’ll be fine. He’ll stay put, for now. It will all be fine. Ghirahim reapplies his lipstick. There’s no need to rush. He can get there… later.</p><p>*</p><p>“Typhoon Fūinsareshi mono made landfall south of Tokyo on Saturday, moving north and bringing severe flooding. Death tolls remain unclear still, but early reports indicate about 8,000 people pronounced dead, and at least 2,000 are still missing. In addition to the dead, nearly 50,000 people were injured, and many calculate that at least half a million people were rendered homeless, public broadcaster NHK said. Japan has deployed tens of thousands of troops and rescue workers after one of the strongest storms in history, even worse than Typhoon Vera, that brought calamity to-”</p><p>Maybe some Netflix tonight.</p><p>*</p><p>Why now, he wonders. Why now, after all this time? It’s been so long, so long, Ghirahim had forgotten. He had created a life for himself and lived it for so long he began to believe it. He just <i>forgot</i> he was a fucking demon and a goddess-dammed sword until his soul notified him his Master and enemies were alive and awaken once again as if the Legend was a fucking Facebook notification.</p><p>It was inconvenient. He wanted those Gucci slides.</p><p>It’s 3 am when he gets the call.</p><p>“Why are you not here?”</p><p>No greetings after millennia. Demise is still delightful.</p><p>“I’m gathering your army.” Ghirahim lies immediately, ready for this call because 1) he wasn’t sleeping, he’s a demon sword; b) he’s been lying to Demise since the moment the guy asked if red was his color; ỿ) he used this lie before and he’s always one for recycling.</p><p>“Why isn’t the army ready?”</p><p>“I was waiting for you to say pretty please.”</p><p>“Why isn’t my fucking army ready?”</p><p>“Because I’m still gathering it.”</p><p>“It should be ready.”</p><p>“It was ready. It was ready, and it fell apart because you didn’t show up for another three hundred years. But I knew you’d need it someday, so I gathered it again. You failed to reincarnate for the next six hundred years. Again. It fell apart again, and I gathered it again. It fell apart once more. You failed once more. It fell apart. I forgot why I was wearing armor. You still didn’t show up.”</p><p>That’s not what Ghirahim answers. What he answers is “Yes, Master.”</p><p>“You’ll be here.”</p><p>“I’ll be there. Once I gather the army.”</p><p>Ganondorf sighs deeply. Ghirahim wonders if he’s called Ganondorf nowadays. Maybe he’s back to Shūen No Mono, it had a nice ring to it.</p><p>Even his Master’s name is tacky these days.</p><p>“You’re lying, Ghirahim.”</p><p>“I’d never, Master.”</p><p>Ganon laughs, humorlessly. “It’s never the same without you.”</p><p>“Absence makes the heart something something.”</p><p>That’s exactly what he answers. Ganondorf laughs again, and maybe it’s a bit more joyful this time.</p><p>“Don’t be late.”</p><p>*</p><p>“Young Japanese man destroys ancient vase and steals emerald jewel in a -”</p><p>Ghirahim turns off the news before he manages to peak at the Hero’s appearance. If’s he’s not showing up, then he’s not showing up. He’s not one for cheating.</p><p>*</p><p>He gets a follower request by username @B-juice-for-sell. He’s an attention whore and he gets fifty followers requests every day. He’s not overthinking it.</p><p>@B-juice-for-sell DMs him.</p><p>“Hey, man, why are you not here?”</p><p>His soul gets a bad feeling about it. Shush, Ghirahim tells his soul. Maybe I met him on Grindr.</p><p>“Where, exactly, should I be?”</p><p>“Here, man. Everyone is here this time. Impa, Tingle, Dampe. Everyone! You should come.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, who the fuck are you.”</p><p>“Beedle, man.”</p><p>It doesn’t ring him any bells. None. Whatsoever. He suspects he spent the better part of eternity sharing a destiny with this soul. He hasn’t the faintest idea who the fuck the man is.</p><p>“New phone who dis”</p><p>“C’mon, man, you know me! I sell things! Hero things! Arrows, bombs, potions, this sort of stuff.”</p><p>“Did I ever buy anything from you?”</p><p>“Once you sold me fresh Bokoblin’s entrails.”</p><p>“I sold you fresh Bokoblin’s entrails?”</p><p>“Well… no. You were covered in blood and splattering some poor monster’s gut all over the floor. I asked you if you’d mind giving me the bowels and you very politely told me I could help myself. The innkeeper shat his pants.”</p><p>“Oh, yes, I remember that day!”</p><p>“See? And we had tea in Koume and Kotake’s home five or four transmutations after that.”</p><p>“Are they back?”</p><p>“Sure, man. Hanging out with their dear little Evil Lord of a Son as we speak.”</p><p>“You don’t sound very Dark Force aligned to me. Why the fuck are you asking me to come back?”</p><p>“It’s been too long, man. This feels like a reunion, you know?”</p><p>“I’m not nostalgic. This game is too old.”</p><p>“Well, yeah. Even demon blades can’t cut out the past.”</p><p>Ghirahim blocks the user.</p><p>*</p><p>He’s shopping for groceries in a rare moment of down-to-earth adultness when he fells it. His first instinct is to look at the second wristwatch he began to wear lately, it should be the middle of the night in Japan, why the fuck - how the fuck – how –</p><p>????????</p><p>????????????</p><p>Fucking Zelda. Fucking Zelda was purifying a dragon.</p><p>It took him seventy <i>consecutive</i> years to corrupt that particular dragon, he made a fucking good job of corrupting that fucking dragon, and now the fucking Goddess could bless it back into power with just a couple of whispered prayers while kneeling in a pretty fountain somewhere.</p><p>Ghirahim buys ice cream, chocolate, vodka, forgets to buy dinner, curls in the couch as if he’s dealing with a bad breakup, transmutes his remote control into a dagger. Has to get up to replay Doja Cat’s “Like That” every four minutes. Stabs his Haagen Dazs clean through. He should’ve bought Ben and Jerry’s.</p><p>*</p><p>He misses his red cape. It lasted longer than mountains, that red cape. It was his dear companion. It was eternal and familiar. It had pockets. No one knows this anymore, but his red cape had pockets.</p><p>He can’t find good pockets anywhere these days.</p><p>*</p><p>Except maybe on Burberry coats.</p><p>*</p><p>“Hello, Link here.”</p><p>“Are you still a natural blond?”</p><p>“A natural… oh, I’m sorry, I’m not interested in buying-”</p><p>“Listen to the goddamn question!” Ghirahim’s worried voice no doubt carried over the phone, and the Hero behaved accordingly.</p><p>“I’m sorry, what was the question, again?”</p><p>“Are you a natural blond?” Ghirahim asks, and now he sounds frantic.</p><p>“I’m…”</p><p>“Because I was, at first. Natural blond. Natural white, I suppose. But then I forgot, and since we are Japanese I guess I just convinced myself it would be only natural for me to have black hair, and my hair just grew black from that point further, but somehow I missed it, right? Like a missing limb, except not, I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror, so I bleached it, I spent so much money and time bleaching my fucking naturally white hair, and now I remember, of course, and it’s just white again, it went back to white and it’s not that I’m complaining, my hair has never been healthier, but who’s going to give me back the years I spent bleaching my hair white?”</p><p>“Ghirahim.” He says it like a forgotten spell, like a sacred word, the name of his enemy.</p><p>“No, the fucking Great Fairy, who else would it be?”</p><p>“Why are you not here?”</p><p>“You’d rather have me raising Moblins from the ground to end civilians’ lives?”</p><p>“Come home, Ghirahim?”</p><p>“Tell me about your hair color.”</p><p>“If you get here, you can see it for yourself.”</p><p>“I’d rather just know it. Send me nudes.”</p><p>“Come home.”</p><p>“Why should I?”</p><p>“Because Ganondorf remembers, and now his hair is half black, half red as if he’s got himself some nice, charming reverse ombré going on.”</p><p>Ghirahim books the flight immediately.</p><p>*</p><p>He doesn’t <i>take</i> the flight. The second he ends the online purchase, he remembers again it’s pointless. He considers taking the flight anyway, just for the fashion statement. He’ll miss airports, it was always a sort of pleasure walking with his Louie Vuitton bags through liminal spaces. But he fears Ganondorf will dye his hair any second now, and if there’s anything worth sacrificing fashion for, it’s Ganon’s dignity.</p><p>Anyway, he gets there. Gets home. To Hyrule.</p><p>*</p><p>“Will you stop laughing?”</p><p>“Oh my god, probably not on this lifetime!”</p><p>“I should make you bald.”</p><p>“I could pull it.”</p><p>“Where’s my army?”</p><p>“I was lying.”</p><p>Ganondorf laughs: “C’mon, my sword. We can use drones this time around.”</p><p>Well, those were promising words.</p><p>*</p><p>Ghirahim drags his feet. Ghirahim is bored, and irresponsive, and lacking. He’s not trying, he’s not collaborating. He’s dead weight. Ganondorf notices it. Ghirahim doesn’t care.</p><p>“Have you considered the possibilities of power this mighty in the current day and age?”</p><p>“Hello, Mas-”</p><p>“Have you?”</p><p>“Of course I’ve considered it, Ganon. And honestly, I found them a little lacking.”</p><p>“You’ve become dull, then, my dear sword.”</p><p>“Why the fuck are you fighting, Master? What’s the point? There’s no Hyrule throne to be taken. No Gerudo tribe to avenge. Not even the desert sand is left! I feel like the goddamn gazelle on Discovery Channel, failing to realize that the nature of my conflict goes beyond my capacity of out-running my predator.”</p><p>“You’re being dramatic.”</p><p>“Of course I’m being dramatic.”</p><p>“If this was ever a nature documentary, we both know you’d be the shark.”</p><p>“Master, tell me why we’re fighting.”</p><p>“This is a world without magic. Who the fucks care about Hyrule? We can take it all. Those people are ants, even weaker than the average Hylian. You were living in Milan, would you like me to gift you the whole of Italy? Why not Russia? America? It’s up to us. With the Triforce, we can just take. Some people might even thank me.”</p><p>“You’re thinking Americans. Americans might thank you.”</p><p>“At least my tan is natural.”</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>*</p><p>“Look, I think you should just forfeit this one.”</p><p>Ghirahim can hear Link blinking through the phone.</p><p>“That is an interesting take, Ghirahim, but I’ll have to pass on the offer, thanks.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“That will be a hard no, again, thank you.”</p><p>“Think of the possibilities. He could impeach Trump. Kim Jong-un. Bolsonaro.”</p><p>“What the fuck is a Bolsonaro?”</p><p>“You see, this level of ignorance is the sort of thing that always tips the balance for me.”</p><p>“Zelda has the Triforce of Wisdom for the weekend.”</p><p>“And the one brain cell, apparently.”</p><p>Link laughs. It sounds clear and delightful.</p><p>“We could fight injustice after we destroy Ganondorf if you’re so worried about international affairs.”</p><p>“We could fight it. He could destroy it.”</p><p>“He’d be worse than any dictator.”</p><p>“Maybe.” Ghirahim concedes. After a few seconds of silence: “Not worse than Bolsonaro.”</p><p>“Somehow I doubt it.”</p><p>“Just google it.”</p><p>*</p><p>He meets the Sheikah Guard just outside of Kyoto, in a Water Temple he’s building from scratch to hide one of the Sacred Stones. He proposed Ganon to just mail the jewel to the MET, but the man was a traditionalist like that, so now Ghirahim is stuck positioning Lizalfos and securing vaults and a CCTV system. He’s trying to have lunch, thank you, when there’s a loud snap and a full-formed Sheikah ninja is dropping from thin air.</p><p>“The fuck you doing here, asshole?” Ghirahim asks Zelda’s faithful bodyguard after he un-chokes on the piece of dry and bad seasoned chicken of his Subway sandwich. “This one is not ready yet, come back after another 3 to 5 business days.”</p><p>“Well, that’s sloppy work if I ever saw it.”</p><p>“You want to talk to the manager?”</p><p>“Link tells me you’ve been messy lately. Faron Wood’s Altar had a Dance Dance Revolution machine as the last puzzle.”</p><p>“Everyone’s is a fucking critic. What, you think it’s easy to come across Queen Gohma in the 21st century?”</p><p>“If it keeps that way, this war will be over before it begins. Link is getting more powerful.”</p><p>Good, Ghirahim thinks but doesn’t say it. Good. There’s still half a tub of ice cream in his fridge. He never got to finish Good Omens, he fancies David Tennant. The Gucci slides are not going to walk themselves.</p><p>The Sheikah stares for a whole minute, as Ghirahim licks honey mustard sauce from his fingers.</p><p>“Have you considered switching sides? It doesn’t seem to me like your heart is in it, lately.”</p><p>“Have I considered – I love how everyone I know thinks I’m just mindless going through the motions without a second thought. That’s very sexy of you all. Look, Ina, I can’t switch sides. He’s my Master. Go ask the Siri that lives inside the Master Sword if she can ‘switch sides’, fuck.”</p><p>“Ghirahim, we’ve been battling for ages now…”</p><p>“Exactly!”</p><p>“…how the fuck don’t you know my name is Impa?”</p><p>*</p><p>He gets a text from Link at one in the morning. It follows:</p><p>“I did some googling. My Triforce is on the mail, Ganondorf can have it if he’ll make those assholes pay….</p><p>….Okay, that’s a lie, my Triforce is still in my hand. But you were right. Ganon is at least competent.”</p><p>*</p><p>“Demon Lord Ghirahim, my dearest, and most faithful follower.”</p><p>“Oh, good morning, Master. This seems like the type of speech that will end up with my body on the floor.”</p><p>“You’ve been watching too many Marvel movies. I’m not a Hydra villain.”</p><p>Ghirahim laughs, what the fuck does Marvel knows about evil? Ganon is the very image of a merciful monarch this morning.</p><p>“Your temples and altars have been an exceptional fuck up lately, sweet Gigi.”</p><p>“Oh dear, sorry, I’m so rusty. Maybe we can use biological weapons in the next one?”</p><p>“Ugh, whatever. This will not matter in the end, we both know it. He’ll overcome the trials. He’ll face me. I’m quite aware that those childish delays are only just tiresome both for us and them.”</p><p>“For me, mostly, Master. I’m the one who’s been trying to recreate our sacred shrines without disrupting the Shinkansen’s rails.”</p><p>“My heart bleeds for you.”</p><p>“That’s so kind.”</p><p>“I’ve got you something.”</p><p>“A ticket back to Milan?”</p><p>It’s not. It’s his red cape – pockets and all.</p><p>*</p><p>Link’s number is saved on his phone as ‘Legolas’ to avoid arising suspicion.</p><p>“I can’t switch sides.”</p><p>“I know, babe.”</p><p>“He got me my cape back.”</p><p>“The red one? That’s cute. You always looked- yeah, you always looked cute in it.”</p><p>“He’s my Master. I can’t– What’s that sound? Where are you?”</p><p>“Some goddamn killing robots with flashing lasers you scattered across this ridiculous temple.”</p><p>“Oh, my Murder Roombas! Tell them mamma says hello.”</p><p>“Bad! Bad Murder Roomba! Stop shooting my ass!”</p><p>“They fixate in your ass just like mamma does.”</p><p>“If I’m killed by a Murder Roomba I want you to write on the Legend I did it for the vine.”</p><p>“There’s no vine anymore, you have to go TikTok now, bitch.”</p><p>“TikTok can suck my whole ass, I ain’t doing it.”</p><p>“Just stay alive then.”</p><p>*</p><p>Link is treating Tokyo as his own personal Kakariko Village. He goes on a mission, purifies a temple, goes back to Tokyo. Buy weapons. Buy clothes. Feeds his horse. Goes back to the road.</p><p>It’s a coincidence, really. Well, Ghirahim sort of knows the Hero is back, and maybe he synchronizes his downtime in Tokyo with Link’s, but he doesn’t stalk the other one. Tokyo is a big city.</p><p>Theirs is a big Legend.</p><p>“Ghirahim!” The young man yells from a distance, crossing a street with his arm raised in greeting, and really, he could’ve kept walking away. “Over here! Hey!”</p><p>His blond – blond! – hair is tied in a top knot high on his head, a green silk ribbon over light locks, long fringe falling over his narrow, pretty eyes, framing his single-eyelids. He looks like a fucking hipster from the earlier 2010s, Ghirahim hates his guts.</p><p>“Oh, hey, love!” They hug tightly, like old friends, Link unable to reach his collarbones because time may pass but the Hero of Legend stays true to his twink nature. “You’re back already from that whole sky business?”</p><p>Link stays in Ghirahim’s arms, an arm draped over the man’s chest, blinking up at him like some K-drama female protagonist.</p><p>“Yes, yes, very nasty business, that Sky Temple.”</p><p>“I had absolutely nothing to do with that, baby boy. You may thank your Goddess and her faith in your heroic abilities.”</p><p>“Oh, she’s got her ear full, you can bet on that.” Link smiles wide, dimples and everything, he looks like the fucking sun. “Ghirahiiiiiiiiiimmmmm. Take me someplace warm. My hands are freezing.”</p><p>Ghirahim delicately takes the cold fingers between his, blowing slowly to warm them up. Both of Link’s hands are trapped between the demon’s, fragile and smooth as if he’s not been wielding weapons his whole life, slightly pink from the cold. Link lets him get away with the intimate gesture, smiling and blinking at his enemy, all flirty and soft.</p><p>Ghirahim takes him to his hotel room in a cloud of magic and diamonds.</p><p>*</p><p>His hotel room is someplace warm, and even though Link is clearly acting like he’s DTF, Ghirahim is not delusional: they’re in the middle of a war and they may have their little playful exchanges, but it won’t go beyond that. He gropes the Hero’s waist as he superfluously helps him sit down, and he touches the Hero’s hair distractedly as they read the menu for room service, and he whispers in his ear and even bites his lobe when he is revealing what the Gerudo’s Fortress final boss might be, but it’s as far as they both know it’ll go.</p><p>Link doesn’t stop smiling, though.</p><p>“It’s so good to see you! You look just like I remember you.” the Hero says after Ghirahim gets back with a couple of Heinekens in his hands.</p><p>“Well, Skychild, this is the same body. I don’t die and reincarnate as the rest of you do.” When Link fails to close his mouth, Ghirahim laughs. “C’mon, Hero, those are not news. I’m pretty sure I told you that before. I think the only one who doesn’t die as well is Fi, but she’s not very talkative lately, is she?”</p><p>Link inevitably looks over his sword, quietly resting beside Ghirahim’s Macbook in the writing desk.</p><p>“No, she… it’s rare… I mean, she rarely shows up. I know she’s there, I always know she’s there, she’s here right now. But it’s been ages since the last time she spoke. Four, five lifetimes ago? I can’t even remember. She never comes out.”</p><p>Link peals at his beer label. He looks young, and how’s that possible?</p><p>“Can’t blame her, really. Did you really forgot I’m immortal?”</p><p>“I didn’t, no, of course, no. But I guess that’s the first time…” Link takes a sip of his beer, both elbows diggings on his own knees. “Fuck, I think that’s the first time I realized you just… you have to wait on us. We’re born, we awake, we fight, we die. And we disappear, we become Legend, we are forgotten. You have to wait until we come back, until we are ready to awaken and fulfill destiny. It… it must suck, man.”</p><p>Ghirahim laughs, throws his head back, truly unworried in his humor.</p><p>“Baby, you get why I’m tired? You get brand new bodies with brand new memories. Half the time you and Zelda get the blessing of not even remembering the Legend, and Ganondorf and I have to stick around until you both get the Memo this is a fucking war. The fact I’m sitting with you here and you can remember my name is a luxury, really.”</p><p>“It must be tiresome.”</p><p>“Being the one who’s always left behind? It’s… unbearable.”</p><p>*</p><p>“Okay, Demon Sword, my worse reincarnations… go!”</p><p>“That time you were like seven years old, then you got into a comma, and when you woke up ages later you were still like, fourteen. No doubt about it, Jesus Christ, that time sucked.”</p><p>“Dude, I was seven years old! I had a little sword! What the fuck!”</p><p>“You couldn’t carry your own shield, that whole timeline was a disaster.”</p><p>“Where were you, by the way?”</p><p>“Me? I want to say… Sudan, maybe? Someplace sunny.” Link chokes on his beer. “What? Is that not an acceptable answer?”</p><p>“I thought you were going to say Akkala or something like that, not another fucking continent, Ghirahim!”</p><p>“I checked the fuck out, dear. I was not down to maiming a small child. You had chubby little hands with chubby little fingers. The fuck was I going to fight you for, your pacifier?”</p><p>Link smiles lazily, long legs stretched for miles ahead of him, and Ghirahim is sure grateful the fucker is on his mid-twenties this time around.</p><p>“Now you, dear Hero. What was your worse life?”</p><p>“That time I woke up to realize I had lost the last time around and Hyrule had become an archipelago. Or, you know, Japan.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, that time you rode King Lhoan.”</p><p>“Can you please not word it that way?”</p><p>“What, that you used to ride King Lhoan long… boat?”</p><p>“You’re thinking about King Roham, and that’s the wrong King anyway, King Roham wasn’t turned into a boat.”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure King Roham is a character from Lord of the Rings.”</p><p>“No, King Roham is- you know what, never mind, the Boat King was King Daphnes.”</p><p>“That one is from Scooby-Doo.”</p><p>Link groans into his hands, delightfully frustrated.</p><p>“Never mind Hyrule Kings. I was so heartbroken when I realized what had happened to our land… were you trapped in the underworld?”</p><p>Ghirahim laughs - he already knows what Link’s reaction to his answer is going to be.</p><p>“No, no, Hero. I was the bird.”</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“I was the bird.”</p><p>“You… you weRE THE FUCKING BI-”</p><p>*</p><p>Link pecks him on the lips just outside the elevator on this five stars hotel.</p><p>“I’m glad we are here, together, in this lifetime, Ghirahim.” The Hero claims sweetly, too fucking docile, one might even forget he’s a murder and a warrior.</p><p>“I’m also glad, Hero. Even though I must tell you, I have no idea what got us to this point.”</p><p>Link is wearing a Glock and three hand grenades close to his body. On his neck, a magical pendant can take him back to the Deku Tree Sanctuary at any time. Once, before this land took shape, Ghirahim watched as this soul burned through an army of monsters.</p><p>The Triforce shines on the same hand Ghirahim held between his fingers, the most powerful force in the whole universe.</p><p>“We’re too old, Demon Lord.” The elevator’s doors are open. “At this point, the differences that made us enemies have been crushed through the flow of time. Whatever is left just makes us companions in a world that doesn’t belong to us.”</p><p>The doors close. Without him, Ghirahim is completely alone.</p><p>*</p><p>The last of the Sacred Stones is snatched from their security vault just as he and Ganondorf are about to start the second to last episode of The Untamed on Netflix, which is unfair: Xiao Zhan is a goddamn snack and Ghirahim is just too invested in seeing the little bitch of a villain die. It’s like there’s a Goddess out there who hates them.</p><p>Wait.</p><p>Anyway, Ganondorf doesn’t look to keen on just up and go kill their favorite twink. Ghirahim is not sure if he’s finally watching an evil character redemption arch of it’s just…</p><p>“I mean, I’m not sure if Jiang Cheng really forgave Wei Wuxian?”</p><p>Ghirahim stares at the King of Evil. The Netflix on their SmartTV is asking if there’s anyone watching.</p><p>“I could have a solution for our current problem, Master… but you can’t get angry.”</p><p>“Just call him.”</p><p>The phone rings twice before Link is answering, the exhilarating voice of someone still high on adrenaline.</p><p>“YO GIGI MA BOY!”</p><p>“Hang on a second, please.” Ghirahim puts the phone on mute before threatening: “Shūen No Mono, I swear to GOD, if you so much consider pressing play on this goddamn show before I’m finished convincing the Hero, I’ll be the reason you’re not reincarnated in the next five thousand years.” He unmutes the call. “Hey, love, how are you?”</p><p>“I’m wonderful! Did you hear the news?”</p><p>“Not so much heard it as I felt a pull in the very core of my existence, yes. Also, the security company has this nice little app, I got a notification like fifteen minutes ago. Congratulations, Hero!”</p><p>“Thanks, thanks, it means so much to me that you called, I’m really thrilled about this one.”</p><p>“You’re uninjured, I hope?”</p><p>“Just got out of the ER, dislocated shoulder, but it’s like, you know. Nothing much. Beedle should give me something for it before I’m hitting you guys. You hanging in the castle already?”</p><p>“Uhm, yeah, not so much, no. That’s the thing, uhm. You sure you don’t wanna rest? We can always have a raincheck.”</p><p>“Ask him if he’s free next Thursday,” Ganondorf whispers, bent over Ghirahim’s neck and trying to listen to the other side of the call, leaving the Demon Lord no other choice beyond pushing him away face first.</p><p>“Well, I was going to just hit the castle later, you guys are not free tonight?”</p><p>“Hero of mine, surely the Emperor of the Dark Realm is always ready to play his sacred part in the Legend, it’s just… did you know Chinese dramas sometimes get to 50 episodes? It seems way too much for me, but you know, once you start it, it just feels wrong to stop before the end, you know?”</p><p>Link laughs, carefree. “What episode are you guys on?”</p><p>“Forty-eight.”</p><p>Another laugh. “No, that would be a pity, you’re right. Tell you what, babe, why don’t you call me when you guys are up to it? I should rest this shoulder a bit, anyway.”</p><p>“You should, you totally should. Text me when you’re about to sleep?”</p><p>“Every night, babe, every night.”</p><p>*</p><p>It’s a weird place to be, the one they’re at.</p><p>Well, Ghirahim doesn’t call Link, and even though they keep texting each other – every night, after all – the Demon Lord manages to avoid any talk about whens and wheres.</p><p>Ganondorf is silent.</p><p>It’s really hard to pretend that they are just living their life as usual. Without the preparations for the war, Ghirahim has nothing to do besides sitting on his thumbs and eat junk food in his hotel room. One day he wakes up and realizes the war came and went, they lost and the only thing left undone is the final blow.</p><p>Which Ganondorf just doesn’t show up to.</p><p>*</p><p>(That day, the day he realizes it’s over, that day he does call Link. Not to tell him when Ganondorf will face him, but to tell him “We are not at war any longer”. To tell him “The war is over” and to tell him “We are just waiting for the end credits, love”. To tell him “I’m still in the same hotel room”. To tell the Hero of Legend “We might even enjoy that bed, now”.</p><p>Link gets there and kisses him, and laughs, and kisses him again. This was a long time coming. Maybe they were not <i>destined</i> to fuck, but they sure as hell do it like the stuff of legends.)</p><p>*</p><p>Ghirahim and Ganondorf get the news that the castle is uncorrupted once again; or yet: they get the news an ancient ruin was discovered by a group of archeologists and that the National Museum of Japanese History is trying very hard to understand how those ruins fit with the already established history of the Kofun period.</p><p>So the fight will happen somewhere else, it seems.</p><p>“Are you waiting for me to drop dead of old age?” Link asks him over the phone, humor in his voice. Ghirahim can hear Zelda’s voice yelling something at the boy, but he can’t understand the words.</p><p>“You could drop dead from a lot of things besides old age. There’s an awful disease out there, please wear your mask.”</p><p>“Impa made me a really cool Sheikah one.”</p><p>“That’s lovely, send me a selfie. Why the fuck is the Goddess yelling so much, uhm?”</p><p>“She wants me to ask you if Ganondorf is not willing to just forfeit this one.”</p><p>Link says it like a joke, but Ghirahim considers it for a full minute, quietly examining if they have any way out of this one.</p><p>“I think he might,” he answers quietly. “But I’m afraid of asking. I’m afraid if I ask the possibility will enrage him so much it will be the thing that sets him back in motion.”</p><p>“I know.” Link tells him, serious for the first time. “I’m not pinning this one on you. Whatever happens, it’ll be exactly what we have to live this time around.”</p><p>“I’ve read Sartre while you were away, Link. The existentialism is a humanism. I’m not down to believing in destiny anymore.”</p><p>“Oh, love.” There’s a genuine feeling in Link’s sarcasm, as if he can’t help but truly pity Ghirahim. “That’s like a fish claiming it doesn’t believe in the ocean.”</p><p>*</p><p>In the end, Ganondorf shows up, because he is the gazelle. They fight in China’s countryside because The Untamed was such a good Chinese drama. Ganon loses because he must be defeated. Link wins because there must be a Hero.</p><p>Ghirahim is tired but unarmed, not even the Master Sword can truly hurt him: it doesn’t make a difference, there’s only so much a good sword can do for its master. </p><p>There’s a lot of silence, after. Everything is quiet – no wind or animals, no sounds. Ganondorf leaves behind no corpse.</p><p>Ghirahim loves his Master, that’s the thing. Loves him not like a lover or a son or a slave or any other metaphor: he loves like a sword loves the hand it was meant to wield it. No one can understand that particular feeling – it’s the spirit in the blade. </p><p>Ghirahim would rather never seen him again. He’s crying when the battle is over.</p><p>The next second, he disappears in a cloud of diamonds.</p><p>*</p><p>“<i>It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless like nothing can save you. And when it's over, and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good</i>.”</p><p>Ghirahim ugly-cries as Rihanna’s “We found love” starts playing again for the ninety-fifth time in the past three days, wailing and getting snot all over his Moschino sweaters. His remote control is still a dagger. This time he bought Ben and Jerry’s.</p><p>*</p><p>“Hey, bitch.”</p><p>It’s Princess Zelda. Queen Zelda. Goddess Hylia. It’s… that girl. Anyway, she’s standing outside his door in Milan.</p><p>“The fuck you’re doing here?”</p><p>“Link told me he was giving you space to lick your wounds because he wasn’t down to shit on your mourning time, but this shit was getting too depressive and it was messing with my after-apocalypse glow.”</p><p>“And… how did you know I was here?”</p><p>“You were crying in Milan’s Fashion Week two days ago. It’s a meme. Search ‘crying in my Versace’, your face is all over Tumblr.”</p><p>“Fuck. Get in, then.”</p><p>Zelda gets in. She eats everything inside his fridge, so they have to go grocery shopping and Ghirahim sees daylight for the first time since Ganon was destroyed three weeks ago. They rent a car, drive to the countryside to shoot light arrows with the Bow of Light outside civilians’ watchful gaze. It’s quite good, actually.</p><p>“This is quite good, actually,” Ghirahim says aloud, as he watches a tree light up like a fucking firework. This must be bad for the environment.</p><p>“You think you might call Link back, now?”</p><p>“Meh.” Ghirahim shrugs, unworried. If there’s anything certain in this world, is that he and Link will meet again. “I suppose I should. At least, it’s something to do with this lifetime, isn’t it?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My project for this pandemic disaster (we are still quarantined in Brazil) is to revisit each and every one of my works, give them the sequel they deserve, or maybe edit some parts. I was just about to do it with These are not love letters, but this idea was stuck in my head.</p><p>Notes:<br/>The Untamed is a very good Chinese drama. Please give it a go, it's on Netflix;<br/>Bolsonaro is the President of Brazil. Unfortunately. I'd rather have Demise;<br/>Do you guys remember the bird in Wind Waker? Its name was Helmaroc King;<br/>The existentialism is a humanism is a great Philosophy work, it's so short, go read it.</p><p>What's Ghirahim's job? Model? Arms dealer (he's a bad guy and a sword, after all)? Ambassador? Mob hitter? The next Anna Wintour? Your guess is as good as mine. Please tell me your guess.</p><p>Please review it for (my) heart's content! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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